Fear, Loathing and Nonbinary Day on Twitter

Or, why I should not be allowed on social media before coffee

Friday was Nonbinary People’s Day, so of course #NonbinaryPeoplesDay was trending on Twitter. Out of an excess of curiosity—and proving once again that I should NOT be allowed on social media while the coffee is brewing—I started scrolling through some of the posts.

I couldn’t help but notice a few things. First, there’re a lot of artists that call themselves non-binary, and most of what I saw was anime (much of it quite good). Second, there are a lot of self-proclaimed autistics who are also nonbinary. Third, I saw a significant number of descriptors I’d never seen before. Apparently while I was busy doing other things, a bunch of different terms for genders I’d never heard of in medical school have come along.

As you’d expect, there were some plain “I’m non-binary” posts. Fair enough. There were a lot of something-something lesbians and some something-something gays. Again, fair enoug. Back in my day (he said, in his grumpy old man voice) being gay meant you were a male who liked playing hide the sausage with another man. Lesbians were females who did licky-sticky things with other females. I’d thought those were the standard, agreed-upon definitions, but no.

Apparently by specifying lesbian or gay you’re indicating which non-nonbinary gender you prefer to get messy with. I’m not sure I understand that, but okay, why not? I suppose it reduces confusion, and God knows there’s a gracious plenty of THAT going around around these days.

My brain started wandering down the path of speculating how one nonbinary might signal an attraction to another nonbinary…but a few swift whacks to the head took care of that bit of pre-insanity quite nicely.

The something-something lesbians and something-something gays were the easy part. Most of the others, however, left me scratching my head.

Here are some of the more…interesting…things I saw, exactly as they were written in each post, in no particular order:

• “I’m gender fluid “

• “I’m a genderfaun”

• “I’m a nonbinary autistic butch lesbian”

• “(I’m a) Nonbinary lesbian”

• “I’m an intersex tfemneu nby lesbian”

• “I’m an autistic, queer nonbinary”

• “I’m an autistic non-binary demiaroace lesbian”

• “I’m a bpdtistic non-binary tmasc acespec lesbian”

• “I’m a non-binary multigender transfemasc cinthean. I love breaking gender boundaries!”

• “I’m a non-binary genderless lesbian”

• “I’m an agender transmasc on the aro/asc spectrum”

• “I’m not a woman, not a man, but a secret thing (tsunami nerd)!

• “I’m an agender transneu lesbian and I use it / pup as well as they / them”

• “I am your local they / them gremlin”

• “I’m demigender and lesbian”

• “I’m non-binary and gay” (and was asked “are you gay if you don’t have a gender?”)

• “I’m nonbinary transmasc”

• “Im autistic lesbian afrolatina with no braincells!” (There’s no way I’m going to touch that one!)

• “l'm gender-fluid”

• “I’m bisexual nonbinary and asexual!!” (and presumably quite proud of it, judging by the two exclamation points!!)

Umm, okay. My spellchecker hates me now.

Most of these terms I either knew, or could guess from context. But some? Thankfully, search engines are a thing.

Did you know that cintheans have their own flag? Well, now we all know it!

There were those who admitted their uncertainty. “Being a "they" is still something l'm figuring out since I don't feel like one or the other,” was pretty typical of these posts. Some were a bit aggressive, like the post that said they “don't talk about it much, but I am agender! Don't really give a fuck what pronouns you use for me, I am a mountain Cryptid beyond your comprehension.”

There were the expected negative comments, mostly along the lines of “this isn’t real, you’re all just a bunch of attention-seeking narcissists.” Others tried to explain their beliefs, like the person who said “I think one of the things about being nonbinary that people don't understand is the concept of the spectrum. nonbinary is not a third gender. nonbinary is not exclusively a lack of gender either. all nonbinary people are unique, that is why its an umbrella.” Of course, some disagreed, saying “Hardly anyone agrees with the sexist stereotypes attached to their sex, especially women. We are all just our bodies and our personalities. We are all 'non-binary'. Get a life.” One went so far as to assert “On #NonBinaryPeoplesDay it's worth pointing out that there are no non binary people. Gender is binary. Immutable. Sorry if reality offends.”

There was one wildly inappropriate post, which managed to dodge the algorithm by omitting one letter: “I’m non-binary and I do art follow or I’ll k ll (sic) myself.” As far as I know there’s no Tarasoff duty for random posts you scroll past, but still.

My impression is that the vast majority of these posts were made by youngsters in their teens & 20s. In other words, kids (which to me these days is anybody under the age of 40). A certain amount of confusion during the teen years isn’t a big deal, so long as it’s handled appropriately. Since the vast majority of cases of gender dysphoria resolve spontaneously, this is usually simple validation, addressing the general dysphoria/depression and anxiety that accompanies it, and otherwise doing nothing vigorously. Sadly, I doubt many of these kids have therapists that will do that instead of pushing the therapist’s agenda on them.

Just so we’re clear, forcing your agenda on a patient is a major no-no for a therapist. I’m of the school that “the job of the therapist is to follow the patient into health,” not act out the therapist’s issues vicariously on their patients.

That being said, many if these posters desperately need help to address their obvious issues. Yes, there’s a whole lot of narcissism going on—so what? Teens & 20s do narcissism as easy as breathing. So do a lot of adults, and I’m not allowed to slap them no matter how much they need it.

I also saw tons of identity confusion and serious issues in developing a good sense of Self, and my fear is that the gender-WTF-ever-you-feel-like-today is NOT helpful. Dozens of genders? Seriously?

What fool decided letting these kids just make up their own gender as they go along was a good idea? Intersex tfemneu nby lesbian? It / pup agender transneu lesbian? Non-binary multigender transfemasc cinthean? This isn’t just ridiculous from a biological standpoint. Etymologically, the jumble of descriptors makes no damn sense! It’s like they grabbed a thesaurus, pulled all the prefixes and suffixes that applied to sex, gender and orientation, put them on slips of paper and just started drawing them out of a hat.

For all I know, there’s a random ‘gender identity’ generator app. I doubt it’d be any less sensible than some of the things I’ve seen on Twitter.

Parents that encourage this degree of dysfunction are a large part of the problem. Supporting your kid is essential—enabling whacky, self-defeating, self-destructive behavior isn’t. Of course, any Child Psychiatrist will tell you that the #1 cause of messed up kids is messed up parents. Nobody ever wants to hear that, but it’s true, especially with regards to gender dysphoric kids.

My heart goes out to these kids. At a critical point in their development, they’re adrift in a sea of cultural madness that doesn’t give them anchors—it gives them LSD, espresso shots and jet skis. Some of them will come out of it okay, but far too many of them won’t.

Before you ask, yes; the proliferation of nonbinary labels is indeed related to the trans agenda. We haven’t heard as much about it simply because there’s not nearly as much money to be made from the nonBs. Transition treatments are BIG bucks, as much as $140,000. Compare that to a nonbinary, who can raid Target for whatever fits in whatever section they’re feeling today, hit the makeup section on the way to checkout and done! Unless a nonbinary can be “encouraged” to get trans treatment, they’re just not as valuable to Big Pharma, hospitals and specialty clinics.

Nonbinaries are at much less immediate risk for irreversible, mutilating medical procedures. This doesn’t lessen their needs for support and care, but does make addressing those needs somewhat easier. It also lessens the turn pressure to act NOW NOW NOW to prevent permanent harm.

Once you start looping off body parts or shoving a crowbar into the endocrine machinery, there’s no easy way back.

So what’s to be done with the nonbinaries? Not a lot. As a famous man once said, “Leave them kids alone.”

There’s no need for grand, sweeping legislation…no need for more billions to be sent from one cesspool of corruption (DC) to another (Ukraine) so it can be laundered back to Uniparty goons and their PACs…no need to force these kids into “conversion therapy” to pray the gay away.

Note to self: next time my hemorrhoids and gout both flare up at the same time, write the Substack eviscerating “conversion therapy” and the morons who support it. That’ll ensure I’m in the proper frame of mind to address the topic appropriately.

If you encounter a nonB “in the wild” (like the grocery store or warehouse club), do nothing. Smile, nod and go on about your business. Don’t Karen out. Someone WILL put you on TicTok, you’ll be internet infamous, and the nonB will still be a nonB—only now they’ll be an internet famous nonB while you look like the idiot you are.

On second thought, ignore the above advice. Idiots need to be outed for the amusement of the masses. Make sure you include your name and social media handles in your rant to save us the trouble of tracking you down, loser.

If you have a friend who’s decided they’re nonB, shrug, say “okay” and go on like nothing’s happened. Their reaction will tell you what they’re really doing. If they thank you and move on, they’re probably honestly tying to figure their own stuff out and they’ll appreciate your support. If they keep harping on it, it’s attention-seeking behavior (or they’re yanking your chain), and a warning sign. If it’s chain-yanking, laugh and tell them to cut it out. Otherwise, RUN AWAY.

If you have a family member, especially a child, who suddenly announces they’re a nonB, DON’T PANIC!

Take a deep breath, pull yourself together, and get ready to Adult. I know it’s hard, but try. Here’s a little list of DOs and DON’Ts to get you started:

DO:

• Stay calm

• Be supportive, without enabling or pushing them to go further

• Make sure they’re not in danger, either from themselves or others

• Ask them what they need from you and if it’s reasonable, help them get it

• Let them know you love them

DON’T:

• Immediately say “no, you’re not”

• Tell them it’s “just a phase, you’ll grow out of it” (it probably is, but woe unto you if you’re dumb enough to say that to their face)

• Deny, degrade or denounce them or their feelings

• Grab your particular Holy Writ to aide in the above

• Demand they immediately recant or face being cut off from you completely

Anyone who’s ever parented a teen will know that the best way to get them to dig in their heels is to confront them directly. A much better way is to go with the flow and wait for the next thing to come along.

Keep in mind that odds are this IS a phase (or a socially contagious condition, if you prefer), and that screwing this up will have bad consequences for YOU. Mess this up, and they will either abandon you completely or supervise your senior care.

Do you really want to permanently alienate (read: piss off) the person who’ll pick your nursing home? Ephesians 6:4 definitely applies here.

The most important thing is to stay calm. I know, Adulting is HARD. If you lose it and pitch a tantrum like a bratty 2 year old, you’ll lose. Period. You’ll also look like even more of an idiot than usual to your kid, which is rarely helpful.

Remember: nursing home. Or Floe Day, as appropriate.

If you’re a therapist and want to be helpful and not a hack, I suggest you say something like this:

“Okay, that’s cool. Let’s talk about how you feel about that. Have a cookie.”

In other words, validate, open it up for them, and distract from the obvious to let what’s really underneath come out. Sit back, be patient and just wait. 100% of these kids have other stuff going on, and they’re already at higher than average risk. Always ask the Harm questions, and keep them safe.

FYI, if you’re a hack who’s pushing your own agenda on these kids and I run into you, I will administer Psychotherapy Supervision with Extreme Prejudice. I won’t lay a finger on you—I won’t need to. You will not like it. At all. There will be tears. The pain and damage you have inflicted on these children will be returned to you many times over. I will be the rhino to the campfire of your pathetic, miserable little soul. You have been warned.

Yes, this is a “thing” for me. We all have our “things”. Hurting kids, especially at-risk kids is one of mine. Pronouncing a child who’d been beaten to death does things to a man. Pray you never have to.

Okay. Enough of that. This beast is too damn long as it is. Let me wrap it up by saying that most cases of gender dysphoria, easily upwards of 80%, resolve spontaneously. Confronting them only drags out the time this takes. We’re all on a journey through this vale of tears, and the least we can do is not shit in someone’s path when they’re already stumbling.

Hmm…isn’t there a saying about treating others like you want to be treated, or something?

At any rate, I’ve saved the best Twitter post for last:

“Happy #NonBinaryPeoplesDay. I perceive you, and now you have to get the bill”

There you have it. Let them know you see them as they are, then stick them with the check.

They get validated. You get a freebie. Works for me.

Save the author from feeling like a voice crying in the wilderness!

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